For all of the alleged benefits of treating dermatomyositis with Otrexup (subcutaneous methotrexate), Antares Pharma doesn’t make it easy to take. They instruct you to once weekly jam a needle in your stomach or thigh. They ship the drug in this ominous yellow bag warning you the contents are for chemotherapy. Every single injector pen comes with a set of instructions and warnings longer than most college essays. Then, they request you return the cartridges in a biohazardous waste container.

I am calling out Antares for their study claiming 98 percent of patients say Otrexup is easy to use. Is it easy to take off the safety and look at the injector pen? Sure. But stabbing oneself is never easy.

By the time you work up the courage to open an individual box holding the cartridge, you’re so paranoid about the possible damage to your liver or losing your hair that you feel like Eric in the sarin gas chamber in The Rock: “You want me to stick this into my heart? Are you fucking nuts?”

Otrexup: Four Weeks later, I still can’t Stab myself

Four weeks later and I still cannot bring myself to stab myself in the thigh. My girlfriend does it for me. Sometimes, she seems all too happy to do so. No matter how silent she stays, I can hear her evil cackle. I wonder if she is not-so-secretly a sadist.

My blood must also be tested monthly to check for live damage. This wouldn’t be too bad, except that as America’s population continues to age, every blood center in Phoenix is full of grouchy, impatient, lifeless geriatrics. Though my girlfriend will say I will fit right in.

Is Otrexup worth it? It’s too early to tell. My rashes have receded. My nose is less red (with any luck, I won’t be guiding Santa’s sleigh). I do not itch as much. I am breathing easier and getting a bit stronger, but that progress could be attributed to going back on a moderate dose of steroids.

Side note: Kudos to Antares Pharma for providing first-time Otrexup patients with a coupon for no co-pay for a year. Even with the best insurance, subcutaneous methotrexate is pricey. No, they did not pay me to say that.  The coupon is available on the Otrexup website to anyone with commercial insurance.