A few weeks ago, my gym results were the only way I knew dermatomyositis caused my muscles to progressively weaken. Between February and late June, I lost almost half my upper body strength.

Muscle	Loss of Strength (Percent)
Triceps	40.9
Biceps	45.8
Deltoids	33.3
Trapezius	45.8
Pectorals	52

My Gym Results

I have never been the strongest guy in any room. Standing 6’5”, built more like a wide receiver than a linebacker, most of my strength is in my legs. Before tearing and repairing my meniscus, I could leg press over 700 pounds.

But with a high metabolism and a sprinter’s frame, upper body strength has never been natural for me. I worked my ass off in the gym four to five days a week during my twenties just to have a body that halfway looked and felt like a man’s.

My peak strength came in summer 2016, aged 31. Since then, between work, age, and inconsistency, my strength dropped a bit. Since February, it fell off a cliff. By June, one push-up seemed impossible.

	February 1, 2018	June 28, 2018
Activity	Reps / Weight (lbs.)	Reps / Weight (lbs.)
Bench Press	10 / 135	10 / 65
Bicep Curls	10 / 110	10 / 65
Lateral Deltoid Raises	12 / 30 (15 each arm)	8 / 20 (10 each arm)
One-Arm Dumbbell Row	12 / 60	10 / 45
Seated Cable Row	10 / 120	10 / 60
Push-ups	20 / 215	1 / 215

Getting Stronger Every Day

With numbers like these, I have to be careful not to give up, to compare myself to the gym rats and roid ragers. I can only be who I can be.

When I look at stronger men at the gym, I remind myself my immune system is attacking my muscles, theirs is not. Worse, most anti-autoimmune drugs also induce muscle weakness. While they do reduce muscle inflammation, their benefits are almost immediately canceled out.

But the people at my gym barely notice. Some are weaker than me. I doubt those stronger care. In fact, two have even helped spot me while I embarrass myself at the bench press. They even offered sympathy for my disease.

Since June, I’ve made progress. I workout four to five days a week. I eat a high-protein, creatine-supplemented diet. I’ve gained strength in several muscle groups. Compared to my numbers in the right column above, I can do more reps with more weight.

	June 28, 2018	October 15, 2018
Activity	Reps / Weight (lbs.)	Reps / Weight (lbs.)
Bench Press	10 / 65	10 / 75
Bicep Curls	10 / 65	10 / 85
Lateral Deltoid Raises	8 / 20 (10 each arm)	12 / 20 (10 each arm)
One-Arm Dumbbell Row	10 / 45	12 / 55
Seated Cable Row	10 / 60	10 / 90
Push-ups	1 / 215	5 / 215

Those five push-ups are sloppy, to say the least, but for now, it’s progress.